I have early memories
of sexual feelings and excitement
from danger and pain.
The best explanation I can come up with
is the old black-and-white TV shows and movies
that used to be shown on morning TV,
on weekends and every summer break.
There's one scene that stands out in my memory
and I found it
https://www.facebook.com/warnerarchive/videos/tarzans-desert-mystery-clip/10154304576461563/
I haven't seen this since I was maybe 10.
It's funny because in my memory,
the woman was trapped by the web
but actually it was the child.
That clip is sooooo knky.
It's so full of BDSM excitement!
It's got the sexy lady
and the hunky man
(in those days there was a lot more wobble in a hunky man!).
The child is restrained by the web
and going to be eaten!
That sounds super creepy
but remember at the time,
I was a child.
The evil guy is also bound and helpless
and dies horribly,
eaten by a monster.
It's not a big thing for me now
but I definitely had fantasies about being eaten by a monster.
Even the man-eating plants
that trap Tarzan
are S&M.
Look at him,
almost naked,
struggling in a cage.
Lots of other old shows
had damsels in distress.
Tied up,
chained to a train track,
trapped in a room where the walls squeeze in.
I don't know if these shows made me kinky
or if I liked watching them
because I was already kinky.
I guess the latter
because lots of other people watched them
and didn't become kinky.
Or maybe they just never acted on it.
But I do think fed something
that was already there.
Side-note.
I was surprised to find that "D.I.D." (ディアイディ?),
for "damsel in distress",
is a term in common use in Japanese kink.
I don't think I've heard it used in English.
I can remember a game I used to play
when I was maybe 8.
I would play it on Saturday mornings,
after watching these shows.
I would try to climb up onto a bed
from the floor.
The duvet would slip and I would struggle
maybe I would fall down,
maybe I would make it to the top.
I was imagining climbing a cliff,
like in a scene from these shows,
maybe rescuing someone
or maybe dangling above a pit of monsters.
I didn't understand it at the time
but I definitely gave me some kind of feeling.
It's the same feeling I get now.
That fear, that excitement of being trapped,
knowing what is coming,
unable to stop it.
That moment when she drags the crop slowly across my skin.
My breathing stops involuntarily.
My body is on red alert
but only she knows when and where (or if)
the crop will land.
I think I like that tension,
that loss of control,
more than I like the pain itself.
Wanting what I fear.
Fearing what I want.
It's hard to say.
Of course if the pain never comes
that's no fun :)
So did Tarzan make me kinky?
I don't know
but he definitely helped.
What made you kinky?
